Have you ever felt like a waterfall?
Not literally. Mentally.
it sounds like such a wacked feeling but it happens. When something goes off around you that you couldn't control, something that sends your mind into relapse. You feel like everyone around you at that point is conspiring against you. That hate fills these people, and it's geared towards you. You get the impulse to look away from the menacing feelings. Then you turn into this mental waterfall.
You feel the pinpricks of tears , like raindrops hitting the river, and you leave. You camp out alone somewhere like your bedroom, like the middle of a forest amidst high redwoods, and you cry your eyes out. The rushing water of tears, flowing like the H20 that rushes off Niagara.
The waterfall in your mind of high emotions is falling freely, and at this point, you feel like you can't stop. The tears keep coming.
Then the pain.
Your eyes, nose, stomach, your chest, your entire being starts to hurt from mental exhaustion as well as the physical ill feeling you are experiencing. Following the pain comes the sting. Your eys burn because the moisture your tear ducts held has dryed up. You've used your tears. It hurts to move them around.
You want to clean then. You long for the cleansing that you hope will make you feel better. It's no surprise that your make-up, if you were wearing any, is now smudged and smeared across your cheeks, and your entire face is probably puffed up and red. Red raw. So you wash.
Your hands, your face, your teeth.
Trying to get the feeling of emotional pain off and out of yourself. Yet it lingers there. It stays on, like the remnants of a night out's perfume because you had fallen asleep in the clothes it inhabited. It stays on because it has one final step.
The fear.
The nauseating fear that comes after, when you think about what comes next. You feel the need to throw up. You can't. Your stomach turns and you're feeling shit at this unpredictable fortune heading your way. Eventually the feeling passes, because your emotions are back in general order and your body decides it wants to co-operate again. You go calm then. Like a chill out time except you're not sure what from. It just comes on suddenly and your being plays along.
I guess this whole process really isn't like a waterfall. but you could contrast it to a waterfall. The water rushes along and falls off the edge with deafening roars and other likewise sounds. The rush of emotions holds a sliver of an echo for these words. You feel the effects.
You are the waterfall, for that brief period of time.
That's what it feels like to me. Like everything just bursts and I'm helpless to stop it.
It's not a nice feeling. In fact, it's far from pleasant.
Yet here I am.
